Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
