i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
