If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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