i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
