oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize