You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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