I chose taco bell over sex...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious