And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him