I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..