I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.