I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
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I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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