I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
