I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.