i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just googled if crying burns calories
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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