My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
