who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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