it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize