i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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