Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
