I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
