Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
