Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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