Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
