yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
