Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
