I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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