Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he puts the penis in happiness.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
