one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
