She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
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Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
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I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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