I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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