I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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