So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
