he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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