And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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