i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
That reminds me...we need to get swords
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
