You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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