why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
