Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My vagina is very pro this idea
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
