So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
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Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
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The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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