I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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