I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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