Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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