No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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