I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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