so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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