I'm pants shitting drunk right now
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
