I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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