Having a random hookup so left but love u
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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