Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
