somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
