I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
