in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm gonna fight the coyote
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
