His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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