I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
