what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
