We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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