Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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