i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
