we have officially lost it.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
