I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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