Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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