Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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