Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
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We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
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Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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