flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
