Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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