Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
