Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
