cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
