I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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