I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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