loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
