dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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