the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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