he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
