and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
