And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
