Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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