if you like me you must not know who I am
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
