and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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