FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We are all done wearing pants today
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
