Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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