I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize