So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
