WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
