every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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