Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Are my feet made of real feet?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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